Writer Ferret at Large

Well I’ve finally taken the plunge and done something I’ve been wanting to do for a while… I’ve moved my blog off of a hosted provider and onto my own server. I’m using WordPress as my platform of choice and am hoping to give it a good workout. If you’re looking to start your own blog and don’t want the overhead of running your own software you definitely should give Mo’time a look. I was very happy with their system and I think they beat all the big name hosted providers hands-down.

Anyone new to this site might want to hit the above link and surf through some of my back posts to get a feel for what I’m about. There’s a huge amount of columns there on far ranging subjects. I’m not sure I’ll keep up the 800-1000 words a day posting pace here and will probably scale back to a few of those a week but the jury is still out and we’ll just have to wait and see.

This will not be a traditional ‘blog’ per se, and I won’t be writing angst-filled poetry and ranting about my neighbors (well, not always anyway) but I will instead be trying to post thoughtful commentary on life, the people that make it interesting, and some of the issues and questions we all face. Of course, all the LiveJournal crowd and the rest of the “blogosphere” (oh how I despise that word) like to snicker and make disparaging remarks about those types of blogs so if you feel that way, you’re cordially invited to go snicker elsewhere.

This is a community… feedback, disagreements, arguments, side thoughts and commentary are encouraged! Believe it or not, I don’t think I’m always right and I learn an incredible amount when people take the time to thoughtfully discuss issues with me. The things you might read here are most definitely not set in stone.

All I ask is that you please try and keep it civil when you do comment. It’s ok to disagree, it’s not ok to be rude or disparaging about it. Courtesy is a big thing to me and I invite you to please play nice with each other (and me) while we’re here.

So for now, all I can say is buenos dias, welcome to the new blog, and here’s hoping it is as fun and successful as my old one!

– WF

I did something drastic this week. For the first time in my voting life, I am no longer a registered Republican. That’s right, I joined the big D when I updated my voter registration at the DMV. I have to admit, it feels weird to no longer be a “card carrying Republican” after being one since I was 18.

Times change, though, and people tend to change with them. The grand old party, the party of Ronald Reagan, can no longer adequately represent my interests. Of course, I’m not terribly sure the democrats will do any better and if truth be told I really wanted to register as an independent. However, because of California’s closed primaries I would not have been able to be adequately represented in the primaries as an independent so I held my nose and checked the democrat box.

In reality, I think none of the political parties are doing an adequate job. Democrats, once the bastion of the common man, now seem to be entirely too far left and are a haven for out of touch intellectuals who prefer to talk a problem to death. The GOP, once the party of the rich conservative, has turned into a far right haven for big government, big spender types who pay only a passing nod to civil rights and who often leap before they look.

I used to firmly identify as a Republican on several key points… points that at one time were linchpins of the party platform. These points included personal responsibility, smaller government and fiscal responsibility. My viewpoints haven’t changed that much, but the party has shifted well away from these middle of the road values in some sort of attempt to capture fringe voters of every ilk. The Democrats aren’t much better, but at least I can identify a little more closely with some of the compassionate conservatives within the party even if they don’t seem to be leading the parade right now.

Maybe it’s time to rework the whole American political process. The electoral college has already proved it’s inability to adequately represent the popular vote, disenfranchising a lot of people in the process. When a candidate wins a state, they win every single electoral vote in the state without any representation for the losing side. For example, California will most assuredly award all of her electoral votes to Kerry this year, even though a statistically significant number of Republicans will be voting for Bush. Kansas will go the other way, awarding her entire suite to Bush even though there are hundreds of thousands of Democrats voting otherwise.

This ties into our two party system as well, and makes it especially difficult to elect a viable third party candidate. The best a third party candidate can realistically hope for in this day and age is to play “spoiler” to the election, siphoning enough votes from one candidate to allow the other to win. This is widely suspected to be the case in the 2000 election, with Nader siphoning just enough votes to put Bush over the top in some key battlegrounds, giving him the entire electoral basket.

Neither party, in my opinion, adequately represents the hearts and minds of real American voters. On the contrary, most people I’ve talked to either voluntarily disenfranchise themselves (by abstaining from the voting process altogether) or end up holding their nose and voting for the least repugnant candidate, sometimes casting a protest vote against a candidate instead of being able to get behind a candidate they support. This all results in a feeling of disconnection from the political process, a feeling that not only are we not represented but we are actually marginalized and ignored in the process.

No, the present system is in dire need of a complete overhaul. We need a viable multi-party system that can adequately field candidates that truly represent American wishes and ideals. We need a direct popular vote for office instead of an antiquated electoral college that sometimes puts the loser of the popular vote into office. We need politicians that remember who they work for, what they are supposed to accomplish and have a firm commitment to at least attempting to do the right thing.

Most of all, we need fresh ideas, better answers and smarter leaders. The ones we have right now just aren’t cutting it.

I’m back in California now… back in the bay area, a region of the country that I have grown to love. I don’t feel completely reconnected yet, but truthfully I don’t think I’d necessarily feel connected no matter where I was. Part of the things that connect us to an area are missing for me at the moment, and it’s simply a matter of time and effort before I manage to get those things back in my life.

One of the big things that connect us to some place, that makes us feel as if we’re at home and we belong, is a job. Unfortunately, I still don’t have one of those, but I’ve only been back for two weeks or so. I’ve been looking diligently, and have sent out quite a few resumes already. I’ve even managed to have an interview already, something that eluded me for the longest time.

The interview I had was for a company that I’ve always admired. My best friend helped get my resume onto the right desk, in front of the right set of eyeballs, and I took it from there. In actuality, I’m sure I did well in the interview. It was conducted over the phone, so I missed out on the all-important body language and eye contact, but by the end it was less of an interview and more like two friends chatting on the phone. I felt like I connected with the other person and that I had reached through the phone and made an impression. He mentioned that he would be moving forward on the process and sending my resume up to the next guy in the hiring chain. so that’s always a good sign.

After careful consideration, though, I had to email the guy and tell him that I couldn’t in good conscience move forward on the process. Now, for someone who has been out of a job for as long as I have, that’s a pretty difficult thing to do, but I do not regret doing it, nor do I think I made the wrong decision. The job required up to 60% travel time, being on the road both domestically and internationally. The job itself was as a technical instructor, something I would love to do and a job I think I could excel at. However, I have reached a point in my life where I do not relish the thought of half my life being spent in hotels and airports in strange cities. I also have a dog and a cat that wouldn’t react well to traveling that much or being left alone. I absolutely refuse to kennel my dog for half his life, so leaving him behind isn’t an option.

I know some people would say “oh, it’s a dog, it’s not that important and if he gets in the way you need to get rid of him” but those people aren’t dog people. Those people aren’t animal lovers and those people don’t understand nor do they comprehend the commitment you make when you bring an animal into your life. They aren’t just part of your life when it’s convenient. I have never understood people that take a dog to the pound or sell it because “oh, well, we moved and our new place doesn’t allow dogs” or “oh it just wasn’t convenient anymore.”

There is, of course, much more to my decision than just my dog. Part of what I missed about being home is my connection to the community, my feeling of being plugged in and a part of the local scene. I have been to every state in the Union throughout my life, I have been to about a dozen foreign countries, and I have never felt connected and plugged in no matter where I went… until I moved to the bay area. This is the first place I’ve ever felt roots, the first place I’ve ever felt like I truly belonged and I want to keep that in my life. Being on the road, bouncing between Detroit and Toledo and Boston and Denver in an infinite loop of travel takes you completely away from that, prevents you from sinking roots and doesn’t really give you time to settle.

I’m 38 years old now, which admittedly isn’t old but I’m sure not 22 anymore either. I’ve grown to appreciate the comforts of sleeping in my own bed every night, of knowing where everything is around me and drawing comfort from routine. I spent a couple of years as an over-the-road longhaul truckdriver and I am not interested in being a gypsy anymore. I also eventually want a stable committed relationship, and being constantly on the road isn’t exactly confidence-building when it comes time to convince a woman that you’ll be there whenever and wherever she needs you. Lord knows I have enough other baggage to bring to the table when I finally am ready for that commitment, the last thing I need is to add being away from home half my life to the mix. Any sane woman would run away from me waving her arms in the air and screaming if I were to bring all that to the table.

I eventually will find what I want and need. I have to have confidence in that. In the interim, I’m just going to enjoy being back home, in the only place I’ve ever felt like I truly belonged.

A friend of mine is going through some difficulties lately, and I have had the opportunity to listen to his thoughts and fears, as well as to offer a small amount of counsel. He is having problems in his relationship; after 14 years of marriage he and his wife have reached a crisis point and he is lost, scared and confused.

Having been through my own set of issues, I hope that I have been (and will continue to be) able to offer him some useful insight, free of the usual “oh yeah, you’re totally right and she’s totally wrong” sort of false advice that so many people fall victim to in this day and age. A friend isn’t someone who simply tells you what you want to hear; a friend is someone who puts your friendship on the line and risks alienating you in order to tell you the hard truth, to tell you what they really think in a loving and caring manner even if it’s something you don’t really want to hear.

In my friend’s case, I really believe that one of the fundamental issues at stake is his intensity. He is an extremely focused and intense man which, in today’s society, normally equates to success and accolades. However, in a relationship such intensity, such single-minded focus can do more harm than good. One thing that I have learned about relationships is that intensity on either part to the point of obsession can drive a stake right through the heart of the relationship.

My friend, let’s call him Bill (not his real name, of course) truly loves his wife. In fact, he’s so in love with his wife that he absolutely cannot accept failure or defeat. He has stated that he will do “whatever it takes” to fix this. On the surface, that sounds exactly like the attitude he needs to adopt, but in reality it’s actually the opposite. Bill needs to accept the fact that sometimes, despite what we may truly want, we’re just not going to get it and focusing so hard on it may in fact push it forever out of our grasp. We have to turn over control and accept that life happens and it is frequently messy and out of control.

When you say you will do “whatever it takes” to fix something, where do you draw the line? Will you lie? Will you cheat and steal? Will you rip away the very bedrock of your own character, that part of you that makes you fundamentally “you” and unique? Will you completely give up every iota of yourself in order to hold on to something or someone? If the answer to that is yes, you need to seriously reconsider your answer. There are limits to our giving, or there should be, and no person should ever give up the absolute bedrock fundamentals that they hold dear. The problem lies in defining what those fundamentals are and knowing when and where to draw the line and say “enough.”

Another telling thing that Bill said to me was that without his wife, he felt like his anchor was ripped out and he was being cast adrift on a storm swept sea. This brings up another fundamental point… you cannot expect someone else to be your Alpha and Omega, your anchor that keeps you firmly grounded and sane. This anchor has to come from within yourself and from God or whatever supreme deity you hold dear. Forcing this responsibility onto another person is unrealistic, unfair, and sets you up for failure when that other person inevitably turns out to be a fallible human instead of perfection. Hinging your entire existence on another person is an unfair burden and is in fact not a sign of love, but a sign of attempting to control them. You should not place that level of responsibility on someone’s shoulders that you truly love.

Finally, and perhaps most important, you have to learn to truly love yourself. You have to embrace yourself, warts and all. You have to be able to look yourself in the eye, honestly and openly accept who you truly are (both good and bad) and love yourself not because of your flaws, not despite your flaws, but with your flaws. If you cannot love yourself unconditionally, you can never love another person that way nor can you truly allow them to love you that way. Once you truly and completely love yourself that love will flow from you to the people around you and will encourage them to do the same. I remember when I was married I used to tell my wife (and myself) that I loved her more than I loved myself. That was oh so wrong, and I’ve grown wiser since then. You should love yourself completely. You should love yourself enough to set boundaries, and once you are comfortable with loving yourself you can then extend that love to the people closest to you.

I don’t know if Bill will be able to work things out with his wife. I hope he does, because a relationship gone bad is a terrible and tragic thing. Most of all, I hope Bill can learn to love himself, whether the relationship ends or not. In the end, that’s what really matters most of all.

George Will is lamenting the left again. In one of his latest columns he accuses the left of relying solely on materialistic impulses in order to convince the “heart of America” to support them politically. He derides this strategy, using pithy little out-of-context quotes from Thomas Frank’s book “What’s the Matter With Kansas? How Conservatives Won the Heart of America” to bolster his claims.

Well, I’m a liberal in the so-called “Heart of America” (for another few days anyway) and while I will agree with his assertion that Kansas is firmly conservative and firmly Republican I will not concede him the field on his terms. Mr. Will does what conservatives do best… he condescends, he simplifies to ridiculousness, he derides and adopts that superior smugness that comes from clothing oneself in false righteousness.

If you read between the lines in Mr. Will’s commentary, you see the derision and the smugness that comes from such an attitude. Even while defending the conservatism in Kansas, he belittles the “Heart of America” in the process. Being a native Kansan, I’m used to being belittled… especially by smarmy conservative politicians that only know Kansas as a locked-in vote and a flyover state.

The people of Kansas are not stupid. Granted, I don’t generally agree with their politics but believe it or not, it’s possible to be intelligent and have a differing opinion at the same time. Liberals are roundly derided for being too “intellectual” and for appealing to sensibility instead of emotion. Part of the reason why we bear that label is because unlike the majority of the conservative movement we do believe other people can be smart too, even if they disagree with us. Derision and ridicule are tools of both sides, unfortunately, but from my experience (and yes, I’ve been on both sides of the fence) my right-leaning counterparts are the ones most apt to heap scorn and ridicule on their opponents.

George Will continues this in his column. First, he derides Mr. Frank’s book, ridiculing him for reducing the issue down to a few key components. He then descends to the same level, refuting each of the claims and trying to turn them around to his advantage. All the while he bolsters the conservative image of sneering and smug condescension. Frankly, I’ve had enough.

There’s a time and a place for conservative politics in America. There’s also a time and a place for liberal politics. Ideally, we can and should adopt a little of both. We need the appeal to sensibility offered by many portions of the conservative mindset, heavily tempered by the compassion and approach to reason and humanity offered by the liberals. Both sides have good ideas and a lot to offer to America, but as with most things in our country we end up treating it as a competitive “win-lose” situation where one side has to destroy the other.

Danger exists when either side is left unchecked. A heavily liberal state leads to idealism divorced from reality. Compassion unchecked by common sense can bankrupt us quickly. It can lead us to eschew action when it’s needed and can stay our hand when firm discipline is called for. Liberal politics left unfettered can quickly bloat government and can lead to far too much “compassionate meddling.” Unchecked compassion doesn’t make us weak, but it does make us a ripe target.

On the other hand, unbridled conservatism can quickly devolve into dispassionate disregard for other people. It can shrink government, but at the cost of programs meant to catch the people who invariably fall through the cracks. Too much conservatism can quickly devolve into a “might makes right” stance in domestic and foreign politics, loss of civil rights and a police state. Like liberalism, it can also make us a ripe target but as a bully to be brought down.

The optimum mix is a little of both, a healthy dollop of compassion mixed with a shot of realism. Both sides need to operate under the assumption that the public is neither stupid nor misinformed and, as a matter of course, they are far more intelligent than the politicians who seek to lead them. They are far smarter because they let neither side hold too much sway and keep the reigns of power firmly where they belong… in the grasp of the public. I’m sick and tired of smarmy politicians assuming they know what’s best for America while they are too busy sucking on the teat of America to even know what’s going on in the constituencies they seek to represent.

What this country needs is a real American holding the tiller. We need a common person, a real person who knows what’s really going on in the grocery stores, the coffee shops and the video stores of this nation. We need someone who uses common sense to solve problems, who understands the value in loyalty and friendship, the necessity of listening more than you talk and thinking before you act… a person who can restore dignity and honor to our country, who speaks from the heart and can show the world what the face of America truly looks like.

Unfortunately, those kind of people aren’t the types who actively seek the limelight. They aren’t the type of person who would leap at the chance to subject themselves to the circus that our politics have become. Finally, they aren’t the type of person who would stand up well to the crushing weight of scrutiny, ridicule and strain that we heap on our so-called leaders. Instead, we are left with the Bush dynasty, the Kerry’s, the Deans, the Cheneys and the Edwards. We are left with smiling men with good teeth and great hair and we debate the eternal question “boxers or briefs” as if it matters more than whether we should torture our political prisoners or not and how much of our civil rights we are willing to sign away in the name of “security.” We’ve gotten what we deserve. It’s time for us to demand and expect better of ourselves, our leaders and our country.